We've got election day today in the Golden State with city, state, and federal positions all up for grabs. We've got props, we've got local issues, we've got primaries, we've got general elections, you name it, it's on the ballot in San Francisco! We've probably got a recall or two, nobody loves recall elections more than the state of California.
As any responsible citizen should, I have been scouring my primary election pamphlet in excitement over these last few weeks planning anxiously awaiting for today to finally arrive! And as I prepare to walk the 30 or so steps around the corner to get to my polling station by the 8:00 cutoff, the big question I've got is: What's a guy gotta do to get his name in the Voter's Guide for Senate?
The big dog candidates are well advertised, funded, and are allowed on the debate stages - think Lee, Garvey, Porter, and Schiff. But there are a number of lesser known candidates out here who have some outstanding points, plans, and even photos as well who got their names in the book. Do I have what it takes? Let's rate a few of these candidate statements and see what my competition would look like - first up: David Peterson.
David is a friend of the program after meeting at APEC and watching us mix it up with some protestors - his picture here is outstanding, especially with whatever extra editing went into the eyes, which undoubtedly translated well to the black and white newspaper look. I have little to no idea what his statement really means, but I LOVE all the capital letters I'm seeing here. The last sentence lacks a subject - predicate relationship, but this is a personal STATEMENT ! No time for grammar, it's all about the FEELS - gotta land a punch or two in there. The swamp? Check. War profiteers? Check. Anti trust law talking points around the fossil fuel industry? Check! These alt-candidates are off to a hot start. David's statement gets a 7.4.
Not to be outdone by David is our friend Forrest - his name is Forrest, so that's immediate points right there. Forest = freedom. Freedom = escape from tyranny. Escape from tyranny = good, especially in California. And CA has MANY forests. So I LIKE this candidate. Independent - nice! That's always fun when you want to sound like you have some nuanced political takes but really just don't have much of an original take on anything. Like the hat, like the facial hair, and he is just letting his photo and lack of a statement make a statement - very meta, like what he did there. Hey, Gavin Newsom got re-elected in the 2022 governor's race with no candidate statement so he could very well be copying that strategy. Forrest gets a 7.9.
Sharleta - what a name! Points immediately, and she's straight to the point with her statement on her body of work. Biggs is just a little south of Chico, and with a population pushing 2,000, a 77% victory for mayor is pretty damn impressive! Not as to the point as our friend Forrest, but pretty succinct on her statement - Butte County loves them some Sharleta, her statement gets a 7.7.
Joe coming in with some of the best facial hair we've seen this side of the Mississippi. He's talkin about water, electricity, and giving the PEOPLE of his native state a true vision for their collective futures. I think Joe is our first guy to break into the 8's - 8.2 !!
What a statement from our guy Major! Loves his family, very focused on his education, has an incredible beard, and not the type to 'play politics' by actually choosing a party preference. Who has time for that?! Give this man an 8.8! He may very well have my vote...
Gail don't need no photo! Great last name, a classic non-specific libertarian case for what the hell to actually do if elected to office - Gail rounds it out with a 7.2.
In two years time, or whenever the next Senate election is, I may have to go through the process with my campaign advisor Reese Wong, esq. and get into this booklet - could very well be my precursor to getting elected mayor of SF in 2028...
P.S. It would be kind of bananas to see Steve Garvey up on the ballot come November, but anything can happen out here in the old Golden State! I could totally see a Republican resurgence that's been brewing for sometime - a la Arnie in 2003 against Grey Davis. Only in America! I'm gonna go hit the poling station.
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