5 Predictions for the TB12 Retirement Ceremony in Foxboro

*TB12 and RKK are always boys, from Israel to Foxboro and everywhere in between.

The Patriots are an organization known for playing their best football in November and December, so opening night isn't always the biggest focus. We save that for the Colts, the Steelers, Bills, etc. The good, simple fan bases with the scarcity 'let's enjoy this now before something goes wrong' mindset - while in Foxboro, we have a different, more abundance centric 'let's enjoy this process, and know that any season is going to be exactly that - a process' ideology. That correlates well to memorable opening nights in recent years, think domination of the Steelers in '15 and '19 with 10-0 and 8-0 starts in those seasons respectively, before hitting the wall later in the year with brutal losses to Miami and destroying their Super Bowl repeat hopes in both - i.e. didn't go through those growing pains early, had to figure it out when it was too late. This in opposition to the '17 opening post Super Bowl night, when the then Alex Smith led Chiefs came to town after Markey Mark left SB 51 prematurely and still got the MC gig (a bit sad) when the Patriots had a very un-Patriot like opening ceremony and got more or less smoked. That season they still made it back to the Super Bowl in which two 'touchdowns' for Philadelphia got held up and ended up giving them the victory - but that's all in the past now and speaking of the Eagles, kick-off is in a few short hours.

With the Patriots unfortunate run at mediocrity over the last 3 seasons, and no playoff wins since SB 54, the Patriots are in an unfamiliar 'prove it' style of season that I cannot remember them ever being in since I began my fanhood in the early 2000s. That may come off as somewhat misleading - every team is looking to prove their worth every damn week, what makes sports so great, but this season feels like it has leadership implications that haven't necessarily been in place - and by that, I mean there's a solid chance that when the Patriots win their 7th Super Bowl this season, Mr. Kraft hands the reins over to Jonathan and Bill hands the reins over to his son and/or Jerod Mayo in a head coach by committee situation.

Top that off with no shortage of offseason and game specific questions (how will Bill O'Brien coming back to New England workout? Will he and Mac be yelling at each other on the sidelines TB12 style like back in 2011? Will Matt Patricia be able to help the Eagles as 'Bill Belichick consultant' this week? How will the newly single Belichick handle the Foxboro milf dating pool? What happened to Matt Corral/hopefully he's OK/will Bailey Zappe once again see the field in 2023?) and it's going to be one hell of an opener!

But today, for a franchise prides itself in focusing forward, ignoring the noise, and not reveling in past success - the team will make a slight exception while honoring the great TB12 at halftime. No need to reiterate his awesomeness - establishment media has been doing that since Super Bowl 51, proper New England fans have been taking care of his praise and awesomeness since 2001, and Dan Shaughnessy and the rest of the hacks at the Boston Globe still looking to find Mr. Kraft's parlor tape and claiming Tom is embezzling money with his Best Buddies charity are trying to figure out how big bad mean Tom and other meanie mcgee Belichick could ever win a game in the NFL, never mind 6 SuperBowls. Nevertheless, here is what I believe we can expect at the halftime ceremony:

1. Tom gets his number retired - this is a gimme, super easy one I'd bet my 100% ownership stake in Onetake Media on this if I could, but I gotta pay for Producer Reese's Hinge dates next week, credit to me for the selflessness. '12' goes up to the rafters for posterity, too weird for anyone else to ever wear it.
2. Belichick will have a pre-recorded statement to be played on the jumbotron - Bill is the PR master, with nobody loving the pre-written statement in response to a given situation (player retires, votes for Trump in 2016, etc.) so it makes total sense he'd do a jumbotron video. The team will be up a touchdown at halftime too, so that'll make it all the sweeter - Eagles poised for an early season slump, just gotta eliminate big plays from Hurts and play him like Russell Wilson in SB 49. Come to think of it, will likely be a mash up of Tom's top teammates (from Troy Brown, to Rodney Harrison, to Randy Moss, to Julian, to Bruschi, to Vrabel, big Vince) and end with Belichick.
3. Tom's parents will be in from CA, but no Gisele. As long as the Bradley Cooper girlfriend isn't there, it's sufficient (think Irina would likely be into me though, just sayin').
4. Tom will throw a football on the field - not sure to who, since Edelman and Gronk will be in studio, but I believe he will throw.
5. Tom won't cry - I think he'll come close, and he will address the crowd, but in a less intimate setting like that, he'll keep it together. Really tough to do more than a quick, pre-meditated style speech in front of a massive crowd like that, especially under a time constraint.
6. Bonus: Tom will get the immediate induction into the Patriots HOF with the red jacket - alright fine it's not going to happen but that would be awesome
7. Tom will suit up for the second half...

Who will MC? I doubt there will be one - feel like Jonathan and Mr. Kraft will lead in some capacity. We'll see if we can get some proper frontline journalism from our current contract holdout B-Rider, but that is what I expect to see at Gillette later today. It'll be legendary, it'll be fun, credit to Tom for the epic 20 year run. Now on to the quest for every Patriots fan's favorite Super Bowl: the next one.